Yes, I know you come here to read about all things motorcycle. But this entry is a bonus of non motorcycle esoteric information; however, it’s a life changing cache of information. Finding such a wonderful treasure trove of secret insight is a rare thing, like discovering a little hidden restaurant in Waco, Texas that has terrific Shabu-Shabu. This is THAT rare.

For a couple of months now, I’ve been watching reruns of Two and a Half men Starring Charlie Sheen. I’ve been recording the shows on my DVR and watching them two at a time after my wife goes to bed. And lately, I’ve noticed something strange at the very end of the credit roll—a full screen of text, about 300 words, but which only stays on the TV screen for about a half second way to fast to read.

Well, for a while I thought it was some sort of network disclaimer, you know the type, where the producers say they comply with at least a couple codicils of the Screen Actor Guild, only a couple animals were hurt in production, and the show only portrays fictional characters or real people that nobody likes and yadda yadda. But I got curious, I wanted to read it and after a few failed attempts I paused the DVR at the text screen. What a revelation! These are no boilerplate legal sludge drippings, each one is a precious jewel of an essay! I read the first one and was transfixed. I had found the modern Rosetta Stone!

No wonder they disappeared from the screen so quickly—they were rants. Manly rants. Rants against the universe, the state of mankind, rants against the networks, unions, mothers-in-law literary agents, psychiatry and power tools. They are treatises on how to deal with duplicity; how to create duplicity, where Darwin and Machiavelli got it wrong—and right, and the effect of the Peloponnesian wars on ’57 Chevy tailfins. They explain things like…well, what Britney Spears lyrics actually mean; why John Wayne walked that way and were Leo Fender and Les Paul space aliens bent on civil destruction?

Everything a man needs to know to survive in this post modern, post common sense, post 9-11 pre-apocalyptic world is right there on the screen.

When I read the first one it was like a secret portal of knowledge had opened up. After reading ten of them I found myself walking more upright with a new spring in my step and more fearless of what lay outside my front door. I find that nothing is a mystery to me anymore, and I have a piercing insight into all situations. All is clarity

Now, I don’t think anybody else in America reads these screeds judging from the way they voted in the last election and as screwed up as the government is. So be it. This will be our secret, just myself and you who read this blog. Let us drink from this beautiful cup of knowledge for six months. Then, we’ll all meet at a shopping mall in Nebraska. Our combined intelligence will enhance each other exponentially. Then, we’ll make our plans of conquest and by this time next year we’ll rule the world.

I can’t wait.

Screen

By Beau Allen Pacheco

For those of you who subscribe to Harley-Davidson’s Enthusiast magazine, and HOG Tales magazine, you may have noticed that the two of them have merged into one publication called HOG. If you are a current subscriber, you’ll notice that this new magazine which came out this month, issue number 001, contains a story by yours truly, and I’m delighted to have the honor of being a contributor to it.

There is some nostalgia here because Enthusiast was the longest produced motorcycle publication in America, and I think, the world. But it’s gone, and underscores the impact that the internet is having on magazines. Heretofore, the average life of a newsstand magazine was about 18 months. Sure, there are many wonderful mags that have been around for decades, but they’re famous for having survived so long. These days, if there were any startups, I’m sure most wouldn’t last that long. But startups are rare.

And now with the economy in the doldrums, advertising has dried up, publications are getting skinnier with each issue, and a year from now there will be still fewer motorcycle magazines on the stands than now.

With all of this information shift, I’m wondering what it means to true enthusiasts like you and me who grew up on the mags, subscribed to them, and couldn’t wait for the next issues to slide down the mail chute. But now, instead of settling into a chair and turning the glossy pages to study and learn the latest on the new bikes, and leisurely peruse the advertisements, the younger folks of us stare into the blue gray miasma of the computer monitor, and try to decipher the truth coming from the dubious looking websites and foggy blogs.

I’m wondering if this new technology will change how we think of motorcycles and riding them. The old radio shows talked about the ‘Theater of the mind’, and how one’s imagination was tweaked by the spoken word, and the printed word. But now with webcams and instant video, nothing is left to the imagination. Instead of the mind absorbing an honest-to-God touring story written on honest-to-God paper and letting the imagination run wild, we’re now being spoon fed virtual experiences that removes all the mystery and discovery from a destination.

However, technology will have its way. Just as the Knucklehead gave way to the Panhead, which gave way to the Shovelhead, and on and on—nothing stays the same. And print is giving way to the internet. I have very mixed feelings about this, but then, here I am writing on a blog.

Whattaya think?